Perimenopause: The Plot Twist Nobody Warned Us About

The more you know, right? Except with perimenopause, nobody bothered to hand us the handbook. I’m grateful to see and hear women finally starting to talk about this mysterious, confusing, often maddening chapter of life. I’m also thankful to know I’m not, in fact, losing my freakin mind. A forewarning for us Gen-Xers? Not really. Our mothers and grandmothers? Silent. No tips, no warnings; it seemed taboo to discuss to any extent. Meanwhile, here we are—questioning if we’re off-kilter, possessed, or starring in our own personal episode of The Matrix: Hormone Reloaded.

Luckily, the haze lifted when I began conducting my own research and pressing my doctors for answers. That’s when I learned and understood this isn’t about what’s wrong with me. It’s about what’s happening to me. And most importantly, it’s not the beginning of the end, as wives’ tales of the past have made it out to be. It’s the beginning of a new chapter in our midlife health journey.

The Real Tea

When you see the word menopause, what comes to mind? Hot flashes, night sweats, and mood swings. The Big 3. Period. (Pun intended.) I honestly thought you just coasted until those symptoms appeared—and eventually, boom—last period, enter the new normal. Easy, right? Wrong. So wrong.

Peri-who? What is this part of the experience about?! It’s the transition to menopause.

Here’s what I wasn’t aware of: there are MANY symptoms tied to perimenopause. Like more than 30+ symptoms. That was hard to fathom initially, until you realize there are connected links to symptoms you may be experiencing. Beyond those Big 3, you may also run into:

• Sleep struggles (insomnia, restless nights, waking up at 2 a.m. for no reason)

• Brain fog + memory glitches (forgetting what you walked into the room for… again)

• Emotional shifts (anxiety, even panic attacks—it’s not just Jekyll and Hyde we know as irritable mood swings)

• Physical curveballs (joint pain, hot feet, frozen shoulder, UTIs, weight redistribution and that “meno belly” many of us will experience)

• Skin + body changes (dryness, soreness, tenderness, crepiness)

• Metabolic shifts (bone loss, cholesterol changes, fatigue, inflammation)

It’s not all doom and gloom. And it’s not “all in your head.” It’s your body, rewiring itself.

Advocating for Yourself is Non-Negotiable

At first, I trusted my doctors completely. After all, they’re the professionals. Except… as I looked further into my research, it turns out women’s midlife health is barely covered in medical school. No wonder so many doctors shrug off symptoms, toss out an antidepressant prescription as a dismissed quick-fix, or insist you’re “too young” to be perimenopausal.

Know this: you have to be your own advocate. And thankfully, more doctors are now serving as that much-needed conduit for us, specializing in midlife women’s health—but sometimes they’re not in your backyard. Good news: you can access specialists virtually now, too.

Knowledge is power. Track it, question it, push for answers. You’re not crazy—your body is just doing the absolute most.

Modifying Routines

What worked in your 30s may backfire in your 40s and 50s. I really didn’t pay this much attention, but now, I’m all ears. Midlife adjustments that matter most:

• Alcohol → Even one glass can wreck your sleep or trigger hot flashes. I find it harder to metabolize, especially wine.

• Stress → Stress tag-team with shifting estrogen and progesterone hormones = chaos. Protect your peace.

• Nutrition → Fuel with foods that balance blood sugar and fight inflammation.

• Exercise → Strength training is super important for bones, muscles, and mood.

• Sleep → Guard it like treasure—it really is the foundation for everything else.

Be a Voice to Younger Women

This is really important. We didn’t get the memo, and we're navigating this transition as best we can—no need to gatekeep. From research, community support, improved treatment options, to increased access to information, and greater awareness, we can lend an ear and our voice.

Every woman’s experience is unique, but the one constant is this: knowledge increases confidence. Talking openly removes shame and confusion. Sharing what we know gives the next generation the head start we didn’t get.

The gift we can give younger women is the truth and transparency. And the more we can normalize perimenopause, the less isolating it will seem.

Plot Twist Moves: Knowledge is Power

Here are a few ways to reclaim control and feel less at the mercy of shifting hormones:

• Start a Symptom Journal → Jot down everything. Changes in sleep, mood, energy, cycle, or body. Patterns tell the story.

• Have the Hard Conversation → You’ll thank yourself for it. Take your notes to your doctor. If they dismiss you, that’s a red flag—it’s time for a second opinion.

• Find Your Resources → Podcasts, books, online communities, your friends, and peri/menopause specialists are out there. Don’t DIY this alone. Here are a few doctors I’ve been following. Their knowledge and insight are tremendously helpful for those of us navigating this transition journey. Check them out:

* Dr. Heather Hirsch @heatherhirschmd

* Dr. Mary Claire Haver @drmaryclaire

* Dr. Vonda Wright @drvondawright

• Prioritize Self-Care → Swap “push harder” with “nourish smarter.” Movement, nutrition, and rest count more than ever.

• Talk About It → Share what you’re learning with your friends, sisters, and daughters. Normalize the conversation, it’s not taboo.

This midlife journey is a blessing. Perimenopause is part of the story, not the whole book. And you’re still the author.

Until next time – be a good HUMAN ✨